🅿️ 12.11.2097_COSMIC_RON_SCAN.mp3


Transcript


DR FESMAN There he is.
MR REDMOND (groans)
DR FESMAN There he is! There he is!
MR REDMOND (coughing)
DR FESMAN Nicely done, Mr. Redmond.
MR REDMOND Oh!
DR FESMAN Take it easy. Take it slow.
MR REDMOND Ugh! Ah!
DR FESMAN Take it slow.
MR REDMOND Oh god, what time is it?
DR FESMAN There he is. I don't know if that really matters. Well, we also don't have clocks in here. We're not allowed to.
MR REDMOND What the- What? Not allowed to have clocks?
DR FESMAN It's still Monday.
MR REDMOND Oh, I'm in the hospi- Okay.
DR FESMAN You're in the hospital.
MR REDMOND Is my leg fixed?
DR FESMAN Okay, good news, bad news.
MR REDMOND Okay.
DR FESMAN I'll start with bad news first. Now it's not huge bad news, but...
MR REDMOND Mm-hmm Okay.
DR FESMAN We're running a bunch of tests because your two bones- it's a clean break, which is good,
MR REDMOND Okay.
DR FESMAN but the bad news of your clean break is, sometimes your bones just kind of stop communicating.
MR REDMOND Huh?
DR FESMAN It seems as though the bone down, connected to your ankle, connected to your foot- not trying to use like, a lot of medical terminology, but: Bone, Ankle, Foot.
MR REDMOND Mm-hmm.
DR FESMAN That bone isn't really talking to your upper bone. We just- kind of as a whim
MR REDMOND All right.
DR FESMAN we did a little bit of small intestine repair. We took out your left kidney,
MR REDMOND Oh.
DR FESMAN we reshaped it, we put it back in. We took out your right kidney, reshaped that, put it back in.
MR REDMOND What? Will that make my leg bones talk?
DR FESMAN Well, it could.
MR REDMOND Okay.
DR FESMAN That's the thing. We're kind of running out of options because again, it seems as though your bones don't like each other anymore.
MR REDMOND Is it any better? Or like...
DR FESMAN It's not any better, um... And if I can be straight up with you, y'know-
MR REDMOND Okay.
DR FESMAN Mano e mano, um...
MR REDMOND Yeah
DR FESMAN it freaking stinks.
MR REDMOND Oh no, that's...
DR FESMAN basically.
MR REDMOND That's not what you ever want to hear from a doctor, really.
DR FESMAN No, it's not. What we're gonna do-
MR REDMOND Oh
DR FESMAN you've been pre, pre quasi-qualified. We've run a few of these scans before. It's kind of experimental. We need 20 scans in order to implement it into common practice, but you'd be number four.
MR REDMOND Okay?
DR FESMAN Yeah, we want to take you in for a CRIT scan. Now what a CRIT scan is going to do, it's this experimental technology we're working with. We're very lucky to have CRIT scans at Cooper-Grimm Memorial.
MR REDMOND Mm-hmm.
DR FESMAN But we're gonna wheel you in, we'll see what happens from there. We've had a lot of luck at- well, we had three 'lucks' in the past and maybe you can be lucky number four!
MR REDMOND Okay, is this if this is experimental procedure... it's gonna be free? Or is it gonna be really expensive?
DR FESMAN Yeah, well, it'll be free-ish, I think.
MR REDMOND Free-ish?
DR FESMAN It'll probably- I can say this with certainty, Mr Redmond, it'll probably be free-ish.
MR REDMOND OK. Okay.
DR FESMAN But I'm just going to wheel you in there.
MR REDMOND Alright, yeah.
DR FESMAN Because why not?
MR REDMOND Do I need to, oh.
COSMIC RON Stop!
DR FESMAN Oh, here he is.
MR REDMOND This is...
COSMIC RON Be calm, be still. I come to you now. Doctor, please wheel him back.
DR FESMAN Okay.
MR REDMOND What?
COSMIC RON [inhale]
MR REDMOND What?
COSMIC RON [cosmic hummoning]
DR FESMAN Okay, he's all yours, Ron.
MR REDMOND Is this-
COSMIC RON I am Cosmic Ron. Mr. Redmond,
MR REDMOND Hello?
COSMIC RON Tell me. Tell me.
MR REDMOND Yeah, yeah
COSMIC RON Listen.
MR REDMOND What?
COSMIC RON Listen! Tell me, how- how does your leg?
MR REDMOND What did you... What did... wait, what did you say?
COSMIC RON Put this in your mouth.
MR REDMOND Wait, okay
COSMIC RON Bite down.
MR REDMOND Okay.
COSMIC RON Breathe in through your nose.
MR REDMOND (mumbling)
COSMIC RON Shhh. Breathing in does not require talking. Deep in, let's exhale. (cosmic breathing)
MR REDMOND Is this a glove?
COSMIC RON what?
MR REDMOND Is this a glove?
COSMIC RON No.
MR REDMOND Kinda tastes like a glove.
COSMIC RON Just shut up for a minute, okay?
MR REDMOND Okay.
COSMIC RON Now exhale all of your feeling.
MR REDMOND Gahh... woooo
COSMIC RON Good.
MR REDMOND I didn't have much feeling when I came in.
COSMIC RON Just take that out of your mouth for a second.
MR REDMOND Okay, thank you
COSMIC RON Okay, I need you to shake out a little bit.
MR REDMOND Really looks like a glove.
COSMIC RON What I'm doing here is I'm connecting us.
MR REDMOND (groaning)
COSMIC RON at a spiritual level with our physical bodies.
MR REDMOND Okay. I don't-
COSMIC RON Does that make sense?
MR REDMOND Not particularly
COSMIC RON Do I make sense?
MR REDMOND Not right now.
COSMIC RON Okay? Okay.
MR REDMOND Can can I talk to Dr. Fesman?
DR FESMAN I've been right behind you.
MR REDMOND Oh.
COSMIC RON Mr. Redmond!
MR REDMOND When do we do the scan?
COSMIC RON I AM THE SCAN. Mr. Redmond!
MR REDMOND Wow, you really don't have to yell-
COSMIC RON Okay?!
MR REDMOND I can hear everything. I think the anesthesia is making...
COSMIC RON Come here!
MR REDMOND Oh no. Oh!
COSMIC RON You smell like wet salad.
MR REDMOND Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
COSMIC RON This is not good.
MR REDMOND I don't- well- I've been in surgery for several hours, I think.
COSMIC RON Doctor.
MR REDMOND It's probably sweat.
DR FESMAN Yeah, Ron.
MR REDMOND Will you let go of me?
COSMIC RON We're done here.
DR FESMAN Okay.
MR REDMOND (coughing)
DR FESMAN I'll wheel him out.
MR REDMOND Huh?
DR FESMAN Thank you so much.
COSMIC RON Thank you.
MR REDMOND What?
COSMIC RON Um, send the next one in, uh, just a little after three.
DR FESMAN Okay, thank you very much.
MR REDMOND When do we get the results back?
DR FESMAN while you're...
COSMIC RON Mr. Redman, please. For the last time.
MR REDMOND What?
DR FESMAN Just shut up.
COSMIC RON Just, just, just
MR REDMOND I'm sorry.
COSMIC RON shut up for a minute.
MR REDMOND I'm really sorry.