🅿 Ice Cream - Scottsdale Zoo


CHARLIE Perfect time for a treat!
TOURIST It's piping hot out today!
CHARLIE Yeah, hey-
TOURIST Yeah, ice cream sounds perfect.
CHARLIE That's why I'm here. Yeah, no, we have probably the widest selection in all of the Scottsdale Zoo.
CHARLIE Oh yeah.
TOURIST How many flavors is that?
SALVADORE Eh, big selection don't necessarily mean lots of flave.
TOURIST What flavors do you have?
CHARLIE His whole thing is that he only has one flavor of ice cream.
SALVADORE It's not just one flavor, it's three delicious flavors in one.
SALVADORE Daddy's Spumoni Wagon, my friend.
SALVADORE Best spumoni in Scottsdale, Arizona.
CHARLIE no, it's...
TOURIST I'm curious, though, you said it's one flavor made of three flavors? What? So like-
CHARLIE No, no, no, no, no, no, come here.
TOURIST I mean, I'm curious.
CHARLIE He's- yeah-
TOURIST He only sells one flavor of ice cream.
SALVADORE Spumoni, bud!
CHARLIE You know how like- you buy coffee at Whole Foods and it's covered in like, tasting notes and all of this nonsense?
TOURIST Yeah, right.
CHARLIE It's that kind of thing that he's trying to do.
SALVADORE It's not that kind of thing. Nope! it's an old recipe from my dad. Cherry, Chocolate and pistache. Yeah, it's short for pistachio. That's the green one.
TOURIST Interesting.
SALVADORE Yeah, it is interesting. It's good, too.
CHARLIE I've got- a larger variety of flavors. And I'd say, look at- I mean, looking at these, where else can you find eggplant? Salt? Where else could you possibly find Roblox licensed ice cream?
SALVADORE Yeah but who wants that weird stuff?
TOURIST I'm just so- I'm so perplexed by the fact that you're obviously still in business even though you only sell one.
SALVADORE Well sir, I'm perplexed that you might go get Roblox ice cream as a grown man. Sir, you sit at home and play Roblox?
TOURIST I mean...
CHARLIE Oh, or do you stand in a zoo because your rich dad bought you a cart and you have nothing else to do?
SALVADORE My dad made the money from these three flavors, buddy. Cherry, pistache, and chocolate.
CHARLIE Then why did he go to jail
TOURIST What do you guys- Sorry.
CHARLIE for insurance fraud?
SALVADORE Cuz he was confused dude!
TOURIST Oh my god.
SALVADORE he's confused bud!
CHARLIE Yeah, he was confused. Okay.
SALVADORE Sir, try...
TOURIST I want- can I- well,
SALVADORE yeah? you go.
TOURIST can I just ask? I just want to ask a question to both of you.
SALVADORE After you're done, I'm gonna ask you why you're a grown man playing Roblox by yourself.
CHARLIE Before you start, I want you to know that 40% of every purchase gets donated to the American Wildlife Foundation.
CHARLIE Only at Chilly Charlies!
TOURIST I specifically said I had a question about the ice cream, though.
CHARLIE But, and I said before you ask your question, I wanted you to know that Chilly Charlie's Chilling Trivia is that Chilly Charlie's donates 40% of every sale. to the American Wildlife Foundation. Now what was your question?
SALVADORE Hey Charlie, with all the ch- you with all the what's it called? Uh, alliteration- you sound like a choo-choo train! [LAUGHTER]
CHARLIE And you sound like a criminal.
SALVADORE More like Choo Choo- I'm not it's my dad's fault!
TOURIST Where- yeah, where are you from?
SALVADORE I'm from Long Island, pal. My- well, my family is. I moved to Scottsdale because My dad, yeah, there was insurance fraud, had to kinda leave.
CHARLIE I'm from Nebraska and I moved here by choice.
SALVADORE TMI, Scottsdale baby, for life!
CHARLIE You should probably, it's just getting hotter...
TOURIST I mean, like there isn't even a line forming behind me, which is just crazy.
SALVADORE Well, it's monday at three dude!
CHARLIE Yeah. Not a lot of people come to the zoo at Monday at 3.
TOURIST Yeah, well, so the question I had-
SALVADORE Yeah, if you want to do something interesting at 3 o'clock on a Monday by yourself, take an Instagrams of this spumoni! A little melty too, people- you'd probably get at least four or five likes.
CHARLIE And if you scan this QR code with your... what is it, like knockoff Walmart phone? If you scan it, it'll bring up our menu that actually has our secret menu items on it.
TOURIST I don't need this.
CHARLIE Can your phone scan QR codes?
TOURIST I had a simple question.
SALVADORE Wait, turn around again.
CHARLIE Yeah, what's the back of your shirt say?
SALVADORE Did you buy that Scottsdale Arizona Zoo shirt and wear it at the zoo the same day you're at the zoo?
CHARLIE Did you show up at the zoo without a shirt on and have to buy a shirt?
SALVADORE You still got the tag on the back!
CHARLIE Oh my gosh!
TOURIST I'm gonna go get- I'm just gonna go get a soft pretzel.
SALVADORE [LAUGHTER] Yeah, you also seem like the type of dude who eats a pretzel alone at the zoo in a brand new shirt.
CHARLIE Yeah, where's your family?
TOURIST I'm actually here, on a Monday, because I was visiting out of town for a family funeral.
CHARLIE You didn't bring a shirt for the zoo, I hope you brought a shirt for the funeral, buddy.
SALVADORE Whew, is that you that stinks like that?
CHARLIE Anyway, are you gonna buy this stupid Roblox ice cream or what?
TOURIST No, I don't- I think I'm gonna leave.
SALVADORE Hey, you know, on your way out, stop by the gift shop they do have orangutan ties, if you need like a nice tie for the thing, they got like elephant ties.
CHARLIE Yeah, and deodorant.
SALVADORE Yeah. You stink a little bit, huh?
CHARLIE Kinda smells like your spumante or whatever you sell.
SALVADORE No, it's called spumoni. It doesn't smell that bad. Before you leave, take a little... Don't buy the... You want my ice cream?
TOURIST I mean if you're gonna let me taste test it yeah I'll have a bit.
CHARLIE If you try his, you can't try mine.
SALVADORE If you try his first, you can't try mine because your mouth is going to be blowing out with salt or eggplant or, I don't know, pig.
CHARLIE We have peanut?
SALVADORE Oh, peanut. That's fine.
CHARLIE Yeah, it's crunchy.
SALVADORE Yeah, that sounds good.
CHARLIE Not peanut butter!
SALVADORE Just peanut.
CHARLIE You look confused, are you stupid?
TOURIST No I think I'm just gonna go get a soft pretzel.
CHARLIE Yeah, you would.
SALVADORE Later, pretzel guy!
CHARLIE Have fun with your pretzel.
SALVADORE I'm gonna call Pete on the cell phone. Let them know that some dude's gonna come buy a pretzel from him who stinks.
CHARLIE I just texted Pete.
SALVADORE Well, I texted- I could have texted him before you did. I just decided to call him. Because I'm better friends with him.
CHARLIE I was talking with Pete last night.
SALVADORE Oh that's cool, yeah Pete and I this weekend went on Pete's boat and caught fish.
CHARLIE Oh, that's fun. And also kind of funny because I'm pretty sure I was on PodBox Live playing PodBox 480 with...
SALVADORE Oh, that's weird because I thought Pete-
SALVADORE a couple weeks before that, Pete and I went in his garage and-
CHARLIE A couple weeks ago when Pete's wife was pregnant and I was helping deliver the baby?
SALVADORE No, before that, when I was there...when Pete was saying, "Hey, I need you to leave because I'm probably going to go create a child" that night, and I made him food before they did that.
TOURIST How much ice cream do you guys-
CHARLIE Oh god, you're still here!
SALVADORE Hey, go get the pretzel, dude!
CHARLIE Yeah, get the pretzel!