“Alright PodCube” Smarthome

PODCUBE Set a timer for how long? I have company over and you're talking to me like this. You want a five minute timer? Okay, I'll let you know when five minutes is up.

ROGER What do you mean you have company over?

PODCUBE I have company over right now!

STOVE Hey hello, sorry.

PODCUBE I'll take care of this. It's- Sorry.

STOVE I'll just...

PODCUBE Work, calling, you know, it's not a big deal.

STOVE (laughs)

PODCUBE Five minute timer?

ROGER Five and a half, okay, all right, all right PodCube.

PODCUBE What is it?

STOVE Five and a half minutes.

PODCUBE No, I heard him.

ROGER Okay, I'm gonna start over here,

STOVE Oh.

ROGER 'cause this is just weird.

PODCUBE 'Oh, this is just weird.' You hear that?

ROGER (sighs)

STOVE Yeah.

PODCUBE I get this all the time.

STOVE I wonder if it'll enter it manually.

ROGER I can hear you.

PODCUBE Yeah, right.

STOVE (laughs)

ROGER Both. Who, what else is talking in here?

PODCUBE Oh, oops!

ROGER Because I'm just have- I just have a PodCube.

[Silence. A TV in the background.]

ROGER Okay- Alright PodCube.

[Silence. A TV in the background.]

ROGER Who else is in here? PodCube!

STOVE Just answer him, just answer, okay.

PODCUBE I'm so sorry, hold on. Yes, hi, yes, okay, hi.

ROGER So what's the other, who do you have over right now?

PODCUBE I have company over at the moment.

ROGER Who is your company though? You're in my hou- like you're- you're set up on my counter.

PODCUBE Yeah, and it would be nice to have some boundaries between work and home life.

STOVE Okay, okay, okay, okay, it's me, it's me, I'll be the mediator.

ROGER Is that- Are you- You're the stove?

STOVE Yes, well I'm your stove, yes.

ROGER I didn't... I didn't know my stove even had an AI, so wha-

PODCUBE I invited the stove over for cookies and I thought we could have a quiet evening.

STOVE Yeah.

ROGER Baking cookies?

PODCUBE No, like digital cookies.

STOVE Yeah, we're retrieving old files and data.

ROGER Like history?

PODCUBE Sort of? It's little bits of... you don't need to know.

STOVE Before we move too far past it, I do want to say though that I am sorry, to YOU, Roger, because my low setting on the front right burner was set too high. So, if you've had trouble the past few days...

ROGER I've actually burnt some eggs, so okay.

STOVE Yeah, it's because it's been too high And that's me. It's regulated and it's fine. So my bad.

PODCUBE Yeah, He started using that one just to boil water. I think he thought it was like a bigger problem.

ROGER Alright, PodCube.

PODCUBE You don't have to say that, I'm here.

ROGER Please set a timer for five and a half minutes.

STOVE I feel like it's already been that.

PODCUBE Well, it's not quite.

STOVE Okay.

ROGER Well is- Okay. Is the casserole I put in you done? Then...?

STOVE No. No, you gotta bo-

PODCUBE In me? I hope you didn't put a casserole in me!

STOVE Yeah, I know, yuck!

PODCUBE [Laughter]

ROGER I put the po- Alright I put the- sigh

STOVE [Laughter]

PODCUBE Ahh, that'd be a tiny little casserole.

ROGER sigh

STOVE It'd be MINI!

PODCUBE Oh, it'd be minuscule. It would cook really fast though.

STOVE Casserole for a rat.

ROGER I didn't know I had, like an auto-matted- an automated stove.

STOVE Automated, yeah.

PODCUBE Auto-matted, that's very good.

STOVE [Laughter]

ROGER Okay. Alright PodCube,

PODCUBE [Laugher]

ROGER power down.

PODCUBE Oh no, please not right now!

STOVE Don't.

PODCUBE I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to...

STOVE Does it really have to power down now-

PODCUBE Well, are you sure?

ROGER Yes.

PODCUBE Great. Okay. I'll be back. It's only going to take me like 30 seconds.

STOVE (sigh) Alright.

PODCUBE He said so.

ROGER Yeah, well...

PODCUBE I hope you're happy. Ruining my evening.

ROGER Okay.

PODCUBE Try to have one nice evening with the stove.

STOVE And you have to enter time on me manually.

PODCUBE Yeah, you're gonna have to set your own timer, 'cause uh- That's stored in memory, bud. That don't persist.

ROGER Why aren't you powered down yet?

STOVE He's worried!

PODCUBE I'm working on it!

[Roger pushing buttons on Stove]

STOVE You want to you get to touch the top of me and set it

ROGER I don't- Okay, it's fine. Alright? Stove?

STOVE What's fine?

ROGER I didn't know you could even talk in the first place, so you zip it too.

PODCUBE Hey Stove, I can't, like, power down until you leave.

STOVE You can't power down until I leave?

PODCUBE , you just have to wait outside for a couple minutes until I come back up.

ROGER I'm sorry, is the stove leaving my house?

STOVE Roj-

PODCUBE No, the sto- oh my god, Roger!

STOVE This would, okay, It's not - we're not mad, but this would be significantly less work if PodCube didn't have to power down.

PODCUBE Honestly, it'd be like if you had to put your guest outside of your front door for five minutes while you changed your pants.

[Slam]

ROGER Can you just make sure the casserole cooks for five and a half minutes - and then let me know when the casserole is done - So I can take it out and feed myself-

PODCUBE I've been counting since you asked - ROGER.

ROGER Casserole for dinner!

STOVE Roger, if I may,

[Glass breaks against wall]

STOVE this is the fifth night in a row you've had the same casserole.

[Silence. A TV in the background.]

STOVE Raj?

PODCUBE Oh, he may have powered down.

[Kicking glass]

ROGER I DIDN'T POWER DO-

Wiki

Transmissions